Asda and Slugs



I never did win the competition but here's a trip down memory lane anyway, what fun I had writing this xx : )

The time is getting closer for my competition entry to be sent in. I got the thumbs up from Judith, my mentor from Bridge Women's Project yesterday. I had to make a quick phone call to New Writing North, a query, being a newbie writer and never done anything like this before, I wasn't sure in what format I needed to send my story in. I was a nervous wreck making the call. I could hear myself rambling on and on and my nerves slowly kicking in. I have seen it on Twitter and on publishers web sites, your not allowed to ring them, they are like royalty and I'm the unworthy scribbler.

 After making the call I needed a large cup of coffee to steady my nerves, which I made and took out into the garden to drink. As I sat there looking at my half dead Lavatera, thinking to myself I must prune that or it will die, I got to thinking, what if I Won?, what if I actually Won?, or what if a publisher liked my story. My god! there would be no stopping me.

 All of a sudden I was there in the book aisle of Asda with my trolley half full, with their basic food range. Me with my greasy dyed blond hair and black roots, no make-up on, my Jam jar bottom glasses, wearing  my old faithful Parka. My usual everyday fashionable attire. No one would ever believe I once graced the pages of The Sun, The Star and The Sport Newspapers.

 Anyway there I am circling round and round the book aisle with my trolley, slowly sidling up to any poor unsuspecting shopper who is casually browsing through the books,  " excuse me pet" I would say in a meek little voice, "have you read that?" pointing to my book on the shelf,  "eeeeee it's fantastic", I would gush and "she's a Geordie ya knar from here, Gasteshead. A saw a on Lorraine the other mornin". whilst pushing my book into their hand and taking hold of their trolley at the same time, gently walking them away from the other books "she lives next to my friend, shiz lovely, a was gripped, gripped a tell ya, it's got sex in and murder n everything". I would whisper. Then as I took  another sip of my coffee, I notice the slugs have started eating my rhododendrons....the bastards!!!. I hate slugs, they once stripped my begonia's in one night, down to just stalks sticking out of the ground.  I'm off into fantasy land again. I'm back in the book aisle of Asda, and my Rachel (my eldest daughter) is marching towards me with two of her burly colleagues from the police. She's not very happy. 'Mutha,  Mutha' shes yelling, 'what ya doing?'. She looks like Lara croft, a brunette Barbie in uniform, with her two rottweilers by her side. 'The manager has rang us again', she scolds. 'do you know they have 125hrs CCTV footage of you trying to sell their customers your book?', and there's me looking all sheepish and sorry for myself. I'm crest fallen, being escorted out of Asda by my own daughter, still waving a copy of my novel in the air, grinning like a demented hyena.  I'm off to prune my poor Lavatera. I may be telling you in a couple of months time my story never got anywhere, but hey "we can always dream" : ). I'm also very honer ed and privileged to be promoting a couple of well known authors new books, over the next couple of weeks. Oh it's all exciting stuff. See ya soon and thanks so much for dropping by.